I have all this time on my hands, and I am just frittering it away. I feel like I can’t motivate myself to do anything. What’s going on?
Image by Jörg Peter from Pixabay
What is that familiar feeling? Something feels surreal, something feels ominous and yet in this moment, I am OK.
Oh, wait. I think I’ve been here before.
Today is March 17, 2020. Here in NYC we are all asked to practice physical distancing to slow down the spread of Covid-19. Schools are finally closed, universities and colleges are shifting to distance learning. The dance studio where I take class has closed. Restaurants are only open for take-out and delivery, no dining in. I assume most stores are closed. People are asked to shelter at home whenever possible.
On Wednesday, March 11, I canceled my participation in a public performance that was scheduled for Monday, March 16 in a small cabaret room. That choice meant 6 other people who were counting on my were going to have to find a way to work around my decision, since I wasn’t going to wait for the decision to be made for me by someone else. Ultimately, by the time Monday, March 16 got here, the event was canceled.
On Thursday, March 12, my birthday, I canceled a social date for tea and decided to stay home instead of going to dance class to celebrate. I just felt I needed to make the decision to practice physical distancing.
After one early morning client who home schools their child, I put my in-person practice on hiatus on Friday, March 13, for the time being, and am exploring new ways to work and live. I wash my hands, clean and disinfect faucets, doorknobs, phones, keys, computer mice, keyboards, household surfaces. I do my best to keep 6 feet between me and others on the street.
I spend time on the phone, texting or video chatting with family, friends and clients.
I give myself dance warm-up and have taken out my free weights and exercise DVDs. Weather permitting, I take walks as I listen to audiobooks. One goal is to be healthy and fit when it becomes safe to move around the city again.
I manage extreme anxiety by staying as much in the present moment as possible. I stream a lot of content, comedy and drama. I turn things off if I start to feel agitated, and try something else. I dole out exposure to the New York Time online. I haven’t watched televised news or 24-hour news channels much since my last big historical trauma of election day 2016.
I realize this is the third major event I have lived through here in NYC. First was September 11, 2011; second was the 2016 Presidential Election; and now it’s Covid-19.
Which is why something about this feels familiar, and survivable. I am guessing the return to a new normalcy after 9/11 went faster than this will. Adjusting to the reality of social and political changes post 2016 in this country is a moment by moment experience for me, and this pandemic feels like it is part of that same incremental change in how we live. I find ways to adjust, adapt, and cultivate my resilience.
The Alexander Technique is about change and resilience. At best, I get to choose when and how to change. With these circumstances, I get to choose how I will respond to change that is being thrust upon me.
I am choosing to cultivate resilience. Part of being resilient means letting myself adjust to this situation. No wonder I am not getting anything done. I am recalibrating.
I hope you give yourself some time to recalibrate, too. Stay safe, stay connected. Sending blessing and love.